Oh the downward spiral of negative self-talk

I felt strong yesterday. And stable. And happy. Then an offhanded comment sent me into a downward spiral of self-doubt and negative self talk. I managed to get in my workout, which I did 99% of, and then inhaled my dinner and had 7 oz of white wine and 3/4 of a dark chocolate bar from Trader Joe's. While watching the Biggest Loser finale. How's that for irony?

I find that when I'm inhaling food and in that mindset of Must.Get.More.Food.In.Mouth.Now. that I'm really shoving down my feelings, typically anxiety, about something, and that really I'm just terrified of talking about something that's making me crazy. So I consulted my therapist/husband, who actually is much better than a therapist cause he's REAL honest and tells me all the time that I overthink things, and told him what was on my mind, and we agreed that reality = reality, and there wasn't much I could do about it. And I felt immediately relieved, just by voicing it. The dark cloud lifted, my need to eat more chocolate (yes I considered it) and to be completely buzzed by bedtime passed. I wish that I hadn't eaten the chocolate and wine but I'm working on finding the courage to voice the scary, dark and twisty (Grey's Anatomy reference, thankyou).

Aiming for the Middle

When the crazy train left the other day with me not only fully on board but actually driving, I was deep into my all-or-nothing mindset. It wasn't OK that I had gone over my calories by 100, it was THE END OF THE WORLD.

Now that I'm back in sane-town, I'm fighting hard to stay in the middle. My calorie range is between 1500-1700, and last night I tallied 1600 for the day. Perfect, right? Not in this crazy head! If I was really, really serious, I would have had exactly 1500. Now go have a cookie to feel better cause you're never gonna get to your goals.

And here's the thing -- crazy will always be there. It's my choice whether or not I want to listen to it, and let it get in the driver's seat. Last night I didn't. 1600 was right on target, and I went to bed instead of munching.

This is progress!

Megan, how are you doing?